Today is New Years’ Eve, what will you be doing tonight? Going to some glamorous black tie party, welcoming the new year in in style? Or doing something more low key with close friends and family? New Years Eve is one of those events that I still try to imagine what I would be doing if Nicko was still here, and even though we never did anything particularly special on New Year, it would be a night full of love, laughter and hope for the new year. Every new year since has been a combination of false happiness and laughter, friends trying hard to make it a fun evening but me just really wanting to stick my head in the sand and pretend I am not starting another new year without Nicko and Emily. 99% of me wants to stay in tonight, take a sleeping pill at 10pm, go to bed and wake up on 1st January 2017 like it is just any other day. However, this just feels too sad and also not fair on the children who are at that age now when they want to be involved in the celebrations, not be left home watching a movie they have seen hundreds of times already and maybe have a glass of champagne. Tonight we are going to spend the evening with close friends, have a family dinner, drinks and play some silly games. It will be a lovely evening, spent with close friends who also feel the loss of Nicko and Emily deeply.
One tradition that Nicko and I had on new years eve was writing a quiz, ‘It happened in…’ As we all know we have had many well known faces taken away from us this year and as fans this has been very sad. I feel as though I have lost people who I grew up with and who helped to shape my formative years of musical and comic taste, from Bowie and Prince to Terry Wogan (who will forever remind me of my Dad as he laughed so much though his chat show), and the great Victoria Wood. Yes 2016 has been a year of great loss that we all feel keenly, but we are just fans and we must spare a thought for their loved ones, they all had husbands, wives, daughters, sons and friends, to them their loss will feel like a huge gaping hole has emerged in 2016, one which time will help to fill but one which will be there forever.
My own personal celebrities, my beautiful husband and daughter, died in 2013 and this will be my 4th new years eve without them. It will always be an evening tinged with sadness as they are not here to welcome in the new year with us, with all its expectations and hope, we feel very much on our own on this day and as the new year begins. Our final new year together was that of 2012, we were in Buccament Bay in St Vincent (the picture below was taken then, Emily wearing Olivia’s Hollister top which she was thrilled she could fit into finally) and we had a magical 1920s style evening together. I treasure the memory of that night as one of my most precious, Emily said that we were treated like royalty and I have never seen Nicko so happy and relaxed.
A new year promises new hope, a new you and new resolutions. I don’t seem to have the time or energy for resolutions, paddling frantically as I am to keep my head above the water trying to manage a household, work, three kids and five pets….but on paper 2017 is an exciting year for us. We are renovating a new home and moving in at the end of the summer, Amber is doing her GCSE’s and I am hoping to take on some exciting TV and writing projects. I can’t quite feel that excitement yet but as always, life is step by small step, I can’t plan too far in advance as it just seems too scary, so lets just enjoy tonight…..whatever your plans are for New Year’s Eve, I hope it is a happy one and that you welcome in the new year in style.